you've got to be kidding me

I am so fed up with feeding issues with this child. SOOOOOOOOOO fed up. As you know, I can't eat dairy. And when I say I can't eat dairy, I mean I can't eat ANY dairy. Any idea how much stuff has dairy in it? No ice cream, cheese, milk, butter, cream, crackers, cookies, cake, many cereals, prepackaged frozen skillet dinners, pancakes, waffles, breads, CHOCOLATE, etc. I'm struggling, majorly. Some of the stuff can be made specially with dairy-free ingredients, but I just don't have the time right now.

So, as you know, I was questioning whether this new round of Jason's illness was allergy related. I was hoping not, because I'm already not eating dairy, but the symptoms all seemed the same. I thought back to what I had been eating a lot of, and the answer was peanuts. I was eating ritz crackers with peanut butter and jelly every day for lunch, and sometimes dinner, because I just didn't have anything else in the house that was appealing to me. I was also having handfuls of honey roasted peanuts. I had NOT been having nut products while I was in NJ. I figured it was a long shot, but it couldn't hurt to take it out of my diet and see. It usually takes about 24 hours for it to get to bothering him, and then another 24 hours to get out of his system. After finding out that Tyler had bronchitis, I figured Jason MUST truly be sick, so I went back to the peanut products last night. Last night he did MUCH better and the congestion had almost completely gone away and he slept well (for him anyway). He also napped in the swing this morning and was happy. Almost 24 hours after reintroducing the peanut products, he's completely congested again and MISERABLE. He had blood in his diaper this evening, won't go to bed tonight, wont' settle down, etc.

I really don't even care enough to research this right now, but it just seems so bizarre that he'd develop an allergy now to the nuts, but I suppose its' possible when I'm eating so much of them. I'm just frustrated because it's yet another thing that I THINK bothers him, and I have to wonder if he wouldn't just be better on hypoallergenic formula. I seem to hurt him everytime I eat ANYTHING. Not to mention, this is making me feel totally paranoid...I mean it seems bizarre for him to be bothered by so many things and I can't help but wonder if its' just in my head. Of course the blood in diaper is NOT in my head, but I suppose that could be due to him nursing so much recently (he pulls off constantly because he can't breathe) so maybe I'm having some bleeding? I don't think so though, but who knows. It also seems odd that Tyler has all the symptoms of illness, but they insisted Jason had no fluid in his ears, no irritation, nothign in his lungs, no fever, etc. Plus, Jason had been having green mucuousy diapers again, which says allergy to me, NOT a cold. But then again, what do I know?

Oddly enough, my excema on my eyelid came back. I swear I'm bothered by something too. I just wish I could figure this out before I give up on the breastfeeding process.

Right now he's screaming in his swing. I know i should be holding him, but he was screaming when I held him too, and I just can't keep holding him....