Conversations from a dressing room

So I recently had to take Tyler with me to buy clothes for myself. Usually I avoid this at all costs, and if I MUST do it, I try to just buy what I might need and then take it home to try it on (and later return 75% of my purchases, lol). Unfortunately I thought I needed a dress for a wedding this weekend and I wasn't about to buy 10 dresses just in case one happened to fit. So, I prepped myself for a shopping trip.

Anyway, back to my point. As we ALL know all too well, a 3-year-old in a dressing room tends to evoke some sort of emotion, whether that be laughter or the intense desire to live in sweatpants for the rest of your life so that you NEVER have to shop with a 3-year-old again.

Me: "Tyler, look, a perfect little stool for you to sit on in the dressing room."
Tyler: "Oooh, it's sorta like a drum. I can hit it. (insert loud drumming noises).
Me: "That's great, Tyler, but how about you SIT on the drum instead?"
Tyler: "No fanks, I think I'll play the drum instead." (insert loud drumming noises).
Me (in an attempt to distract him): "Oops, I dropped a hanger on the floor. Can you pick it up please?"
Tyler: "Sure. Oh, can I play with it?"
Me (rolling eyes): "Umm, I guess so."
Tyler: "Nevermind, I think I'll play the drums." (insert loud drumming noises)
Me (again, with my best attempt at distraction): "Tyler, look at the dress Mommy tried on. What do you think?"
Tyler (uninterested): "Ummm, I fink I like it. Yes, I DO like. You look beautiful."
Me (slightly amused, as I start to undress, knowing perfectly well the dress looks hideous): "Thanks Tyler."
Tyler (in fascination): "Oooh, Mommy, look at your big belly."
Me (in embarrassment, while giggling): "Yes, it is getting bigger."
Tyler (laughing hysterically): "Mommy, it jiggles when you laugh. Aaaah, it's doing it again."
Me (laughing, but completely ignoring all comments and secretly hoping no one else is in the dressing room)
Tyler: "Can I sing the baby a song?"
Me: "Sure, I guess so."
Tyler (standing 2 inches from my stomach): "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. How I wonder what you are. BYE BABY."
(Insert other mother in dressing room laughing at us/him, and then followed by other child in dressing room singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"...my hopes of being unheard were squashed)
Me: "Tyler that was beautiful."
Tyler: "Mommy, I like your underwear. It's very soft. Can I try on your shorts?".
Me: "Okay, time for lunch."

I'm secretly very thankful that Al had to go away to Oregon (hence, missing the wedding) so my need to search for a dress had to continue no longer!